His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
