If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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