we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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