no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
