I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
