I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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