why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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