I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
