no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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