he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
