stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
