She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
