this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
