my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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