why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
