I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
