Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
