I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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