We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
