We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
