Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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