Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
