I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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