I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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