Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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