i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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