Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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