Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
