I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
