he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
