Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
