I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
