All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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