a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
