i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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