he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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