whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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