so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
