and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
