is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
