the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
