I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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