exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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