We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
