fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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