It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
