I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
