I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
