batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sobbing to NWA
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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