I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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