He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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