i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
