omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
