Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
